“The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.” — Galatians 5:22
Each Sunday this summer, someone from our community is reflecting on a particular fruit of the Spirit. The Sunday before I went on vacation, Marc shared about his ongoing relationship with goodness. The arc of his narrative covered the various ways, over the course of his life, he sought to be “good” by modifying his behavior: goodness by doing what you were supposed to do, taking your medicine, being compliant, having the right look, having the right body, feeling cool, saving the planet, and being reliable. Despite all these attempts at goodness, inwardly there was this black spot of unworthiness inside him. Goodness wasn’t something you were; it was something you tried to be.
Finally, within a season he recognized as a dark night of the soul, he came to realize that in the deepest part of himself—his truest self—there is this bedrock of goodness and worthiness knit into his being: an indwelling goodness, an essential fundamental goodness, an immovable bedrock of goodness. For everything that God made, God declared good.
I have been on Galiano Island for the last two weeks. I brought my old journals and have been reading the words of my 25-year-old self. I recognized in these words this same earnest desire for goodness, and a fear that I would mess up my life, that I would unwittingly erode the goodness of my life. I can feel the angst in my words, and I speak words of blessing and reassurance over my younger self, trying so hard to be good.
Being here on Galiano, I appreciate the time to slow down and drink in the goodness of creation—the taste of blackberries, the feel of cool water, the sound of wind in the trees, the sight of red arbutus branches. I also have time for my nervous system to calm, my sleep to even out, and to feel the goodness inside me and inside my life again, underneath my fears and worries.
It is hard to slow down. Often, when we do, the first thing we feel is that black spot of not-enoughness inside. But beneath that, beneath the shame and the oughts and shoulds and the fears, there is this bedrock of your own goodness. You are made by God, loved by God, and treasured by God. Your being is a portal of encounter with the Divine. Nothing can take that away from you.
Reflecting on Goodness
Spend some time journaling each day this week. Trusting the Spirit, ask how Big Love sees you—write it down. Trusting the Spirit, look for the goodness emerging in your life—write it down. Trusting the Spirit, look for signs of goodness in the world around you, and write them down. At the end of the week, review your notes. What did you see?
Blessings, Anne