“The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.” – Galatians 5:22
Each Sunday this summer, someone from our community has reflected on a particular fruit of the Spirit, and this Sunday John Koehn spoke about patience. I asked John to share, not knowing just how significant this fruit has been in his life.
John grew up placing a high value on spiritual disciplines and adhering to spiritual standards that he set for himself, including morning prayers, evangelism at his local school, sexual purity. Self-control through achievement and willpower. Yet when he became a medical student and chose to work with addicts, his world view widened. People seeking sobriety from an addiction feel deep shame over their inability to muscle their way to self-control with the grit of their teeth and willpower. The journey to sobriety, or self-control over an addiction, takes time, ongoing multifaceted support, and a deep well of compassion and self-forgiveness. Self-control is a pathway towards life. Love, connecting, and support, both given and received, rather than pulling one’s self up by one’s bootstraps alone, supports this journey.
Reflection on Self-Control:
As I listened to John, I realized how my self-control wanes when I am juggling too much, not listening to my own limits, and not asking for help. That’s when I lose my temper, raid the ice cream tub late at night, or skip my morning routine. Slowing down my pace, allowing my nervous system to rest, and leaving space to ponder and pray helps me settle. If you’d like to experiment with quiet reflection at the end of your day, you might try moving through this adapted Ignatian Examen:
- Begin by placing yourself in God’s presence. Thank God for holding you in a net of love.
- Pray for deeper awareness and understanding of how God’s love is moving in your life.
- Move through your day in your mind, paying to specific moments and your feelings at the time.
- Reflect on your response – what you said, did, or thought, in those moments. Where did love meet you? Where did love flow from you? Without going to shame, where do you feel an invitation to grow?
- As you consider tomorrow, ask for a deeper openness to loving collaboration with God.
- End by thanking God for being with you and for you in all things, and for your own slow, steady growth in love.
Blessings, Anne