One Christmas in England, we were given a beautiful tin of fancy Christmas biscuits. I remember holding the box out to Adam. “Adam, would you like a cookie?” He looked up at me, overwhelmed, “You choose for me, Mommy”. “It’s OK, Adam. Take your time. You choose.” Sometimes it takes time to know what we want.
In this week’s lectionary text, John 1: 29-42, two men follow Jesus from a distance. He turns around and asks them, “What do you want?” These are the first words Jesus speaks in the gospel of John. They respond by asking where he is staying? And he replies, “Come, and you will see.”
They eat bread and drink wine with him, watch him laugh, spin stories into wisdom, and joke with the children. He gives them time to discern his trustworthiness. As they linger, their curiosity clarifies. They know what they want – they have found the one they were looking for.
Not all desires are equal, and not all wants make good leaders. Some wants lead towards deeper wholeness while others lead towards fragmentation. Discernment is rarely instantaneous. It takes time to notice, know, name, trust, and follow the desires of our hearts.
In this passage, we witness Jesus’ hospitality towards our desires. Just as he invites the disciples to come and see, he invites us to come and see.
Imagine Jesus hospitably offering you space where you can lay your desires on the table before him, without shame.
As you sit with Jesus and your desires, there is space to wonder. You give your desires room to breathe. Together, you might notice what enlivens you and what drains you. You might notice the ache to your chest and the desire behind it. You might explore where the desires might take you.
Over time, as you sit together with your desires, you may notice subtle shifts. Some desires soften. Some clarify. Some reveal a deeper longing beneath them. Some lose their urgency. Some grow sturdier and more trustworthy. While other desires you learn to carry, not solve.
What does this desire become when you hold it in the presence of Christ?
Giving time to listen to your life in the company of Jesus is well spent. This is the heart of spiritual discernment. Jesus does not promise that every desire we have will end in fulfillment—but he does offer his presence. As the disciples discovered, his presence, full of compassion and life, touches the deepest longings of our hearts.
What do you want? Take your time. There is no hurry.
Anne
Rev. Anne Baxter Smith
Pastor, Southpoint Church
